In a candid and revealing conversation on Frieha Altaf’s FWhy Podcast, Pakistani model Amna Ilyas shared intimate details about her life, touching upon personal losses, industry challenges, and her journey to self-acceptance. The discussion, hosted by Frieha, offered a deep dive into Amna’s experiences and perspectives.

The interview began with Amna reminiscing about Frieha’s early recognition of her talent, recalling a moment when the renowned talent manager declared, “This girl is a star!” after a show. Amna’s journey, however, traces back to a “humble but educated” background, marked by significant family losses and struggles.

Amna bravely spoke about the demise of Huma, her elder sister, one half of a twin duo. Huma passed away at the age of 22. Her sudden passing left Amna, at the tender age of 13, grappling with the tragic event. Breathing in a deep sigh whilst recalling the ordeal, Amna said, “We actually don’t know ourselves. It was a cardiac arrest, and by the time we took her to the hospital and doctors were trying to figure out what happened…”

Trailing off, she hinted at possible familial factors, referencing her own heart surgery at two-and-a-half years old, leaving her with a scar. She also revealed her father’s passing when she was just four, and her mother, who worked as a nurse, raising her and her siblings independently.

Recounting the heartbreaking moments leading to Huma’s hospitalization, Amna emotionally described her sister’s distress and the rushed taxi ride to the hospital, ultimately ending in Huma’s tragic demise. She acknowledged that the losses shaped her perspective on life and contributed to her strong sense of resilience.

“Huma was just sitting on the couch and she started getting fits and she said, ‘Something is happening to me, I can’t breathe. My legs aren’t functioning,'” revealed an emotional Amna. “So my mother rushed her in a taxi…She just picked her up and took her to the hospital. They took her to [Jinnah Hospital] because that was the closest, and…I just remember waking up, and my sister Salma woke me up and said, ‘Get up, we have to go to the hospital. Huma is unwell.'” Tearing up and shakily continuing, Amna recalled Huma’s head on her mother’s lap in the hospital. Frieha offered solidarity, highlighting how she lost her younger brother to cancer.

Amna further delved into her family’s religious background, revealing her maternal side’s Catholic roots while highlighting her mother’s conversion to Islam after marriage. The challenges continued as she shared how her father’s side of the family took control of the family business, leaving her mother and siblings with nothing, after her father’s demise. 

She touched upon societal perceptions of beauty, narrating an incident involving her paternal grandmother’s preference for fair daughters-in-law. Amna highlighted the absurdity of such expectations and emphasised the importance of breaking free from societal norms. Laughing at the absurdity of her tan grandmother wanting a fair daughter-in-law, she said, “It’s just a mindset. She didn’t see herself in the mirror, that she’s also of the same complexion.”

Whilst talking about herself, the model said, “I’ve always been very street-smart, I’m a quick learner.” She also revealed, with extreme candour, how she felt about her father’s absence as a child. Seeing fellow students being picked up by their fathers from school, Amna remembered wishing, “I hope all their dads die.” She acknowledged that it came from a place of extreme trauma that she had faced with the losses in her life.

Amna also spoke about struggling with acceptance. “As women, throughout our lives, we work so hard, achieve so much, but we’re conditioned, somewhere in the back of our minds, that something is lacking, we aren’t capable. Only men can do this. This stays in our head. Because of this, we struggle with acceptance,” she explained. 

Addressing her experiences in the entertainment industry, Amna candidly discussed the issue of colourism, revealing instances where she felt pressured to lighten her skin tone for shoots. She stressed the need for acceptance and shared her stance on diversity in casting, advocating for authentic portrayals rather than altering actors’ appearances.

“When I said in my speech that the industry should accept an actor or an artist the way they are, it was because I didn’t like being made two tones lighter in shoots,” reminisced the model. “I used to feel very insecure about myself…I didn’t know this happened till it happened to me. We all have a wheatish complexion at home…It started hurting when I was at work, or in my professional zone, or when I thought I’m very stunning as a model, but someone comes to me, puts on a white base everywhere, trying to change me. And that’s when you start feeling, ‘There is something wrong with me.'”

She also recalled the late Zara Abid thanking her for her work. Furthermore, she shared, “I personally believe, that if, for a role, you need a dark-skinned person or a Caucasian, white person, there is a market where you can find that particular actor for the role, rather than changing them. Instead of making a fair person dark to turn them into a character – you’ll find an actor like that. And maybe, he’s more deserving. But because of the fact that that fair actor is a known actor…there are layers to it, why we do what we do.”

Amna also disclosed a distressing incident of inappropriate behaviour by a photographer during a shoot. Despite the financial setback from severing ties with the individual, she emphasised the importance of self-respect and forgiveness. “There was this one photographer, who, while I was shooting, he tried to touch me inappropriately,” she remembered. “I still feel very awful. I have this quality, I block bad things in my brain. So that happened, and I remember, I never went back to his studio. I never shot with him again…It did hurt me financially.” Sharing that the experience was a long time back, Amna revealed, “I have forgiven myself, I have forgiven that person.”

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